You have come with a problem: Help me with my life!
Help me make it better
Help me spruce it up, but
keep it nice and tidy, no tough assignments please.
Just as is, but a little off the top--
more attractive, more assured; better but the same.
You do not want the one thing needed:
worldview crumbled, turned on your head,
demolished, deconstructed, destroyed in the Flame of Truth--
less allure, less esteem, broken but holy, crazily sacred,
and actually sane.
Conditioned to look for help that looks like something,
something expected and familiar--
a life coach, a therapist, a personal trainer--
to give you what you demand you need.
This is not that
This is Religion, Yoga, YHWH (Religare, Yug, the Name that can't be named)--
bound up in love by One you've been running from
This is Divining: subtracting and dividing, not adding and multiplying
Divide as in break down
(walls, obstacles, your precious very self
dear ideas, blind beliefs, adherence to experiences and expectations
your lovings, leavings, and longings).
Subtract as in take away
(attachments, attractions, bastions
grasping, reaching, and the objects thereof
all your piles of treasure now trinkets on a shelf, dust and ash).
You are looking for something you recognize, but
before this you've never seen.
Anything you conjure can pale in stale contrast to the
grandeur, the glory, the greatness of the
most familiar, the most mistaken, the most obvious--
That Which You Just Can't Miss
That Which None Can Deny...nor truly try to be
Anything other than what It Is, and the problem of what it asks of you:
Before I get to know you, I'd like for you to get to know me. Here's a thumbnail sketch of who I am, where I've been, what I do, and how you can join the journey. It's a story of true healing and, yes, enlightenment; an overview of how I overcame mental illness and addiction through yoga and meditation and found lasting liberation through Divine Union; a testament to the results of authentic spiritual practice in alleviating pathological suffering.
Welcome to my Awareness.
Welcome to my world.
Welcome to the spinning cogs of my mind.
Who I Am
I am a self-proclaimed connoisseur of consciousness. I am a terrestrial traveler of inner space. I am a mystic of the Great Mystery. I am a happily married monk. I am a yogi writ large. I am a breatharian. I am an intuitive and highly sensitive empath. I am a fully healed former addict. I am a mental disorder success story, freed from the chains of Big Pharma. I am a mishandled contactee of divine realms. I am an ancestral anomaly, the bah-bah black sheep.
I am a lot of things, and I am none of them.
Sound like a spiritual walk in the park? A piece of cosmic cake? Like I was "born this way"? Well, yes and no.
It wasn't always this easy. These are the results of a most perilous and peculiar journey that began when I was but seven years old. It's required everything I have (and everything I don't) to piece together the puzzle, find wholeness in the damaged vessel, and awaken to Union with God.
Where I've come from
Not what you might expect. Not the Pleiades. Not the star system Sirius. Not "the future." Not another dimension. (Though I'm not ruling it out!)
I come from a rural town in a notch of the Bible Belt called North Carolina. I was touched by an unknown Presence that rocked my innocence and indelibly altered the course of my life.
Here's what came of it:
In spite of the suffering, however, grace has abounded all the more. The encounter planted a seed of heightened awareness (among other "side effects") and awakened a desire for communion with God above all else. Rare for anyone; exceedingly rare for a child.
I struggled with the "why me" question for a long time. Am I special? Surely not. But I feel different from my friends. What's it all mean? Later I learned about something called reincarnation, which was kept from us conservative Christians, and I have come to terms with the probability that I simply picked up where I left off last life.
What I've done
From that point, an insatiable (but necessary) search ensued: for Truth, for peace, for healing, for liberation. I made myself available to God if ever and how ever "He" wanted to use me in service to others. And though I always knew I'd be doing something like I'm doing today, it took a while before I was ready.
While I'm at it, let me offer some unsolicited advice from my own experience to anyone thinking they want to "help others":
As I grew and got older, I saw very keenly the shortcomings of the institutionalized church. The fairy tales lost their luster. What the grown-ups said was supposed to happen for those who love God and neighbor simply didn't. No amount of believing the right things or praying the right way or reading my Bible with the right devotion changed anything. In a way, lots of things got worse.